Tabloid update: The Bush marriage collapses

Well, we promised to keep you up to date on the tabloid reports of the collapsing Bush marriage, but frankly, we think this week's big front-page story in the Globe, "Laura Nails Cheating Bush; his candid confession; divorce bombshell," is a tad oversold.

The story says Laura Bush confronted the president about rumors that he was seeing Condoleezza Rice on the side, and that he refused to deny it and refused to discuss it.

According to the Globe's sources, Laura was incensed and threatened to throw aside their reported deal, which called for her to stick by the president's side until he was safely out of office in 2009. The Globe says the first lady told friends she did not want to endure one more day of humiliation, she wanted a divorce and she wanted it immediately.

Here at America Wants to Know, we're fully convinced that the president is sleeping with his secretary of state. We believe that the Bush marriage is over. We don't doubt that the first lady has spent a few angry nights at Washington D.C. hotels and we wouldn't be surprised if she has already bought a place to live in Texas that will never have George W. Bush's name on the deed.

We don't believe the Globe's reports that Queen Elizabeth (Queen Elizabeth, for God's sake) told the president that he should patch up his marriage for the good of the nation, or that the president drank a prodigious amount of alcohol and told the Queen of England to mind her own damn business.

We do believe that Laura Bush has hired a very expensive divorce lawyer and we wouldn't be shocked if these silly Globe stories were nasty little negotiating tactics designed to up the cash value of the divorce settlement.

Go get him, Laura. He wouldn't have been re-elected without you. Distance yourself before you catch all the blame for Iraq.



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